How Am I Supposed to Respond to People Who Come Against Me?

By Angela D. Thomas, DrPH, MPH, MBA

You respond the way the Word tells you to, not the way the culture tells you to. You love your enemies, you extend real grace, and you refuse to let a five-second reaction undo you. Because when it's all said and done, God holds you accountable for your response, not for their offense.

Let me ask you a hard one. When somebody comes for you, whose script are you actually following?

Because the culture handed you a script, and you know it by heart. Clap back. Cuss them out. Put them in check. Read them. Let them know exactly who they think they're playing with. And I understand the appeal, I really do, there is a part of the flesh that wants it. But that script has us putting our Holy Ghost up on the shelf so we can handle it our way for five good minutes, and then living in the fallout for five long months. There is another script. It is harder, and it is the only one that actually keeps you free.

What Does the Bible Actually Say About Handling Your Enemies?

It says love them. I know. Let it be uncomfortable for a second. Luke 6:27-28 (NKJV) says, "But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you." Read all four of those. Love them. Do good to them. Bless them. Pray for them. That is not a special assignment for the extra-holy. That is the baseline standard for anybody who calls themselves a follower of Jesus. And a few verses down, Luke 6:36 (NKJV) raises the bar even higher. "Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." Not merciful when they finally deserve it. Merciful like your Father, who was merciful to you on the days you didn't deserve it one bit.

Then Jesus turns right around and checks our judgment, because He knows how quick we are to build a whole courtroom case against the person who hurt us. Luke 6:41-42 (NKJV) says, "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? ... Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye."

Read that one slow. Before you drag the person who came at you, He wants you to go check the mirror first. You are subject to the exact same fall they are. You've got your own plank you keep conveniently forgetting about. So the grace and the compassion you are being asked to extend is not weakness, and it is not you letting them win. It is the maturity of a woman who remembers that she has needed a whole lot of grace herself, and recently.

Jesus keeps going in that same chapter, too. He talks about doing good and lending expecting nothing back, about giving and it being given back to you. The whole passage is one long picture of a person who has stopped keeping score. And that's really the heart of it. Unforgiveness and clapping back are both just different ways of keeping score, of making sure they get what's coming to them. But the Word says vengeance belongs to God, not to you. When you take the scorekeeping out of your own hands, you are not letting them off the hook. You are taking yourself off the hook, because carrying a whole case against somebody is heavy, and you were never built to be the judge.

Being Offended Is a Choice

My friend Pastor Angela Donadio says it better than I can, so I'm just going to borrow it. Offenses will happen, but being offended is a choice. Hear the difference in that, because it will set you free if you let it. The offense is coming. That part was never up to you and it never will be. But whether you pick it up, carry it around, feed it, and let it move into your house and live there rent-free, that part is one hundred percent up to you.

And hear me on this last thing, because it is where a lot of good, God-loving women trip and fall. Even when you are angry, you still don't get to sin. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NKJV) says, "Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil." You are allowed to feel it. You are not allowed to let it drive the car, and you are not allowed to let it sit overnight, because an anger you go to bed still holding opens a door and gives the enemy a place. Your reaction is what you are accountable to God for. Let Him deal with the opposition. That is His job, not yours, and He is far better at it than you are.

And let me be clear so nobody hears this wrong. Loving your enemy does not mean handing them a key to keep hurting you. It doesn't mean pretending it never happened. It means you release the poison of it, you refuse to sin in how you respond, and you let God be God over the outcome.

What This Means for You

Whose script have you been following when people come against you, and what would it actually cost you to hand your reaction over to God instead of handling it yourself?

Yesterday we saw why God waits on your faithfulness at this level. Today we learned how the Word says to respond. Next up, we close where we always should, with the One who handled opposition perfectly.

I teach God's Word weekly inside the SheShed Community, and this is exactly the kind of teaching that hits different when you're in the room for it. The replay of this teaching, "Why THEY Mad," is available inside the community as well. Come sit with us.