How Can I Love People the Way God Wants Me to If I'm Not Perfect?
You cannot do it perfectly. But you are not alone in the attempt. God never gave you a commandment without also giving you help to carry it out. The Holy Spirit is that help. And learning to depend on Him is how imperfect people give the most extraordinary love the world has ever seen.
We have covered a lot of ground this week. Four types of love. Match them to the right relationship. The giving versus receiving distinction. The commandment to Agape love unconditionally. And yesterday we sat with the honest weight of that commandment and what it asks of people who are still very much works in progress.
Today we close it all out with the practical answer. Not because it is a formula or a shortcut, but because God is not the kind of Father who gives an assignment without also giving what you need to do it.
We Are Commanded to Love Perfectly and We Are Not Perfect
Let's just name that plainly. Jesus says in John 13:34-35 (NKJV), "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another." The standard is His love. Perfect. Unconditional. Self-sacrificing. Action-based. Without reservation toward the lost, the fallen, or those who have hurt us.
And every single person reading this is going to fall short of that standard at some point. Not because we do not love God. Not because we are not trying. Because we are human. We have bad days. We have wounds that make certain kinds of love harder to give. We have entry points the enemy knows about. We are in relationship with other imperfect people who will also fall short and whose falling short will sometimes make it harder for us to show up with Agape.
So how do we do it?
What Is the Holy Spirit's Role in All of This?
Before Jesus left, He made a promise. John 14:15-18 (NKJV) says, "If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever, the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."
He gave the commandment. And then He sent the Helper.
John 16:13 (NKJV) says, "However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come."
He will guide you. Not suggest. Not occasionally nudge. Guide. He is not a passive presence. He is actively helping, actively leading, actively equipping you to do what you cannot do in your own strength.
What Will the Holy Spirit Actually Help You Do?
Let me put it in plain language. The Holy Spirit will help you give love without condition. Even when she rolls her eyes again. Even when your husband came home with that attitude. Even when your friend forgot about you. Even when they have not apologized. Even when everything in you wants to pull back and protect yourself. The Holy Spirit will help you give love that says I see your humanity, I see my calling, and I am choosing Agape anyway.
He will help you demonstrate love that allows others to see God through you. That is not a small thing. That is kingdom work. When someone who does not know God watches you love somebody who has hurt you, and they think, how does she do that, that is the Holy Spirit making God visible through your life.
He will help you strive for a high score even when the perfect score is not in reach. We will not always get it right. But the Holy Spirit will help us get closer than we ever could on our own.
What Do We Do When We Fall Short?
We need the same grace we are being asked to extend. That is the thing. God's grace abounds for the believer when we do not get it right. And the people in relationship with us need that same grace extended back to them when they do not get it right either.
We are imperfect people in relationship with imperfect people. The enemy is working on them the same way he works on us. Sometimes their counterfeit shows up. Sometimes ours does. The call is not to be perfect. The call is to keep depending on the One who is.
Marriage, by the way, is the only relationship designed to carry all four types of love at once. Eros, Philia, Storge, and Agape all belong there simultaneously. If you are married, understand what an extraordinary and weighty and beautiful thing you are in. And depend on the Holy Spirit to help you carry all of it.
Imagine for a moment what the world looks like when believers actually do this. When we consistently show up with unselfish Philia love to our community. With ride-or-die Storge love to our Christian family. With Agape love given unconditionally to people who have not earned it and who may not understand it. The world sees God through us. And that becomes the open door for the kingdom to grow.
Shed the belief that perfect performance is the requirement. Shed the isolation of trying to love people in your own strength without depending on the Helper who was sent specifically for this. And shed the discouragement when you fall short, because grace abounds, and tomorrow you get to choose again.
You have been given mad love. Now go give it.
Take this to the Word yourself. John 14:15-18, John 16:13, Matthew 22:37-40, Galatians 5:22-23.
What This Means for You
Where is one place you can yield to the Holy Spirit this week and let Him help you show up with a love you could not manufacture on your own?
This is the final post in the You Got Mad Love series. Here is the full thread from the beginning.
Post 5: How Can I Love People the Way God Wants Me to If I'm Not Perfect?
I teach God's Word weekly inside the SheShed Community, and this is exactly the kind of teaching that hits different when you're in the room for it. The replay of this teaching, "You Got Mad Love," is available inside the community as well. Come sit with us.
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